WTF?

There's an old joke about a man in a flood sitting on his roof.
First a man on a raft comes by and ask 'Do you need a ride?'
The old man replies 'no ,God will save me'
The rafter leaves.
Then he is followed in secession with a boat ,helicopter etc...
Same question, same answer.
Finally the water rises and the old man dies.
Gets up to St Peter and says What happened, I thought you'd save me?
Peter replies 'What do you want from me? I sent a raft, a boat, a helicopter.....

Why the joke?
Because I was wondering if I wasn't getting the joke being played by the universe.
only in reverse......

There was a open bike night planned for this past Saturday night at the dominant three piece 'Patch' here in the valley. [It's AZ . you figure it out]
My President of B.A.C.A says 'we have to be there'
'OK. no problem'
My bike 'Marie' the Dyna is in the shop getting a gear drive and some bigger cams.
Be ready Thursday night......No sweat.
Thursday comes.....Nope wrong cams...next week earliest.
OK....I'll just go out and finish up 'Annabelle' my trusty sporty.
Friday night starting to button it up.....Aww shit, I need two lousy O-rings
Which I don't have. too late to get them in time for tomorrow night and finish up the build and break her in properly.
My Bro Mike says 'take my sporty'
It has a charging issue...But I'm hoping that I have enough time to fix....If not I'll just bring jumper cables as we are not going to far from here anyway.
OK...Good to go.......
He gets the bike over here, I replaced the regulator and it's charging.
Now it's time to go.
Get two miles from the house and the coil or points and condenser start crapping out.
Shit!!
OK, I limp it home.
Fuck it...Take the cage.
Flat tire sitting the driveway....Are you frigging kidding me?
OK pump up the tire... Seems fine
Get two miles from home it goes flat again.......ffffffuckk!!!
Dig out the doughnut spare, seems fine,
One mile...IT goes flat!!
AAggghhh! Screw it, buy a can o fix a flat.
Finally get going.
At this point the joke mentioned earlier keeps popping thru my head...
Except in this case...something goes horribly wrong and I arrived at St Pete's and ask WTF?
And he replies
What'd you want?...I broke everything I could to stop ya..

Contemplating this scenario...I rolled down the window of the cage and flipped the bird to the universe....Fuck you, I'm going.

I went.
Had a great time.

Huh?

I thought that Mama loved me.
She bought me boots and a bike and all kinds of neat shit.
Now, I ain't so sure.
We went out for dinner the other night on the way to Walmart.
On the menu they had 'Chicken fried steak'
I had a question...
Since there is no 'Chicken' in the damn steak......I don't count the egg used for the batter...It's an egg...not a chicken yet....[No I ain't interested in a roe-v -wade debate]
where the fuck did the chicken fried part come from?
Is there a chicken in the kitchen frying the damn thing?
But I digress..
Anyhow we ended up at Wallys mart and she bought me a pair of shorts for the party.
I was thankful.
Till now.
Here I sit with a bursting bladder.
The shorts she bought are camouflage..
So,Now I can't find the Fucking zipper.......

Cryogenic Rapture

Friday started one second after midnight of Thursdays eve.
Apparently this happens on weekly basis.
It's been going on since time began...or at least since we have had Friday's following Thursday's.
What's this have to do with this post?
Absolutely nothing.
At the time I was sleeping and don't know what the hell was going on.
What's this all have to do with the Williams AZ trip everyone is waiting to hear about?
Not a damn thing.
Hell, even the title of this post has nothing to do with this day's story..it actually applies to Saturday.
{I'm a regular friggin' suspence writer}
In case you missed it....At midnight..I was sleeping.
Pay attention!

I awoke at the crack of Nine-ish and headed out to my big two wheeler.
[OK so it's a sporty and most don't consider it big.....and it's not really mine...belongs to a Friend]
Abruptly I came to a halt.
I forgot to open the door.
Twisting the doorknob like a panheads twistgrip attached to a super E fuel mixer...[Poetic, Ain't it?]
I opened the door.
I walked over to the scoot and threw a leg over.
Flipped the switch and reached for the starter button.
Only to be interrupted by a loud yelling coming from the doorway.
'You need to get dressed first'
Ann had noticed I had no clothes on.
Damn! She's picky today.
So I had to start all over again...
Finally getting my shit together, We headed off to the wild blue....ummm
Asphalt?
After a long drive..[5000 feet] We stopped at a house five streets up from ours and looked at a Black Cherry 99 Dyna.
Ann bought it and said Happy Fathers day!
Which I thought was strange...As Fathers day was on the upcoming Sunday.
But being graciously humble I didn't point that out to her.
{Yes I know..I'm wonderful like that}
Getting down the highway going up to get low in the AZ high country.
Like two Frito's diving into salsa con queso, we were a tasty pair..
{Try singing that one ,Dylan}
Stopping at the local HD dealer on the way, we bought the Harley museum archives book.
[Highly recommended]
Rumbling along [we were hungry] we opted to stop at the casino along the way.
After a hardy meal we cropdusted the casino isles.
Relived of the gastro-intestinal issues and recieving nasty looks from the patrons at the slot-machines, We got while the going was good.
Near Flagstaff it started to rain.
I had no jacket.
[if you weren't paying attention...I had some fabric related issues earlier in the day]
Bought a sweater-jacket at the Big 5 sports store.
I was toasty.......The rain stopped.
Finally arriving in Williams AZ.
The assistant police chief greeted us as we dismounted.
Apparently he hadn't ever heard a sporty with a nasty big block Chevy cackle.
He was impressed.
Registering for the Rumble. [I'm smart like that]
We proceeded towards our hotel.
Stopping at a stop sign because that's what your supposed to do.
[That's why it's called a stop sign..Dipshit]
I looked over and saw AZ Harley Dude and Linda stopped at the other stop sign.
{Why?.... you paying attention here?...I ain't explaining it again}
Saying Hello....Because that's what you do when you meet people.
We had a quiet talk on the sidewalk. It would have been ridiculous to yell loudly as we were just a couple feet from each other.
We agreed to meet later at the local watering hole.
I think it was misnamed because I didn't really see anybody drinking water.

I partook in some of Lynchburg Tennessee's finest liquid libation.

[Partook and libation in the same sentence...50 points..Yee-hah!]

Fuzzily watching Ann molest all the wooden animals in town and even seeing her attempt to give a pine cowboy statue a blow job.
Guessing wisely that she must need some wood.
I headed her off to the hotel.
Then came Saturday........

My Favorite Word

A Short Post.

What????

Road Therapy.

Mounting up and firing the iron horse called 88 to life, the walls of the surrounding concrete canyon echoed with a sinister roar of a snarling stallion.
Two more steel steeds announced their displeasure at sitting idle.
Snapping the darkness away with white light and blue flame, the dirt rose in protest as the three snicked into gear in unison and painted the asphalt a darker shade of black.
Unleashed and full of fury, earlier today these chariots had given full measure of compassion for a child treated wrongly. Proudly carrying safely the newest young member of B.A.C.A. They had spent all the empathy allotted them for the day.
Rage was all that was left. This valley was gonna hear the bellowing angry scream.
As if to haunt the sleep of an abuser, the steeds wound up and casting showers of orange sparks they tore down the off ramp leading to the highway. The heat generated from the friction of steel on pavement gave the floorboard of the first iron horse an eerie glow, if only for an instant.
Just under a hundred and still gaining momentum the three riders and Passengers held the steel reins of the chrome,war painted palominos racing to outrun the horror of child abuse.
The wind, rumble and speed would be the therapy needed.
The stench of evil would be lost in the dust, passed from view just for the duration.
Cool desert air was breathed to capacity in iron and flesh lungs. White and red streaks galloped clear.
The cloak of night swallowed the tragedies and injustices of days recent.

Tomorrow the world will still turn and the the destiny of souls will still follow.
But tonight....just briefly....nine broke free, three of steel and six of flesh.

I'm Famous!

I'm famous! I had no idea that I inspired a beer commercial! And I don't even drink beer!