Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Giving the finger

OK, I have been asked to tell this true story more than once.
I usually cloak the truth in analogy's and writers privilege.
I was gonna do that with this one.....Screw it, you get the unaltered version today.
Because if I wrote as a story....You probably would think I was tweaking the details. The things that happened and were said.....Every line is true.
Even when you wouldn't think that people would be Asshole enough to say that.

One hot frigging summer day here in AZ. I pulled into the parking lot of my work and brought the 10 wheeler with a farmers yoke trailer to halt.
Why do I drive this Rig? Because of the double wishbone on the yoke.[picture a flatbed trailer with a y yoke in front of it. The front has a steel ring that goes into a farmers clip. like a ball hitch but less able to guide. The back of the yoke is also able to pivot the front wheels. So when backing up, they want to go in opposite directions] I'm the only one in the yard who can back the sucker up.
Which can come in real handy at some of the blind alleys and hollowed out construction jobs we do.

My good Friend who owns the 88 sporty you all know about..[I'm keeping his name private. From here on out we'll just call him 88]
Rolls up on his forklift and tells me we need the trailer down in the back lot.
I was already out and into my vest getting ready to leave on my bike [This is important later in the story]
OK no problem.
I swing it around and back down the alley in back and down the little hill next to the fence.
Every time I did this in the yard, someone would comment that it was amazing that I could do that. [25 years driving teaches you things ,,Go figure]
So this time it was 88 saying this as he was starting to unhook my trailer for me.
The tension of being on a downward angle from the truck had jammed the front yoke too tight to release.
Just as I said 'Don't put your hand near it' He did.
When two highly sprung blocks of steel slam together and your fingers are in the way?
Somebody is going to be minus a finger...and 88 was.
With a look of pure shock and pain He calmly said I just lost my finger.
Walkimg quickly but steady back to his forklift, wrapped his hand in a rag and drove to the office. So they could take him to the hospital.

Back at the truck, I manage to pry the jaws open on the trailer and retrieve the finger.
Drove my [now] disconnected truck like hell up to the office.
I run inside and tell the receptionist at the front desk. I need ice and a couple of bags.
She looks at me like it's the funniest thing she'd ever seen, and doesn't move an inch.
Placing my boot firmly against her desk and kicking it over a few feet fixed the humor problem...I had a bag of ice and another to cover the finger in less than thirty seconds.
As I was running out the front door she replied 'I'll get you fired for this'
I shot back a look that made it clear to her that right now, silence would be her best course of action.
She quickly shut the fuck up.
So jumping on 'Annabelle and firing her to duty, I placed the bag in my saddlebag and pulled a 20 foot wheelie down the street.
I get out on the highway still pissed at our dipshit desk bunny and hauling ass to the hospital.
I pass a Maricopa police car doing well over the speed limit.
I see him and he doesn't do shit.
So I slow down beside him and motion for him to pull over.
No response other than a incredulous look.
So I start kicking the drivers door [put a nice dent in that sucker]
He swerves into the gravel on the side of the road and stops. I stop just in front of him.
I grabbed the bag out of my saddlebag and run toward the police car.
He's getting ready to draw his weapon.
I yelled 'you gotta get this man's finger to the hospital now!!'
Quickly explaining how I come to be carrying such a thing.
The Dumb ass cop looks at me and says 'We don't do that'
I start yelling.
Are you fucking kidding me! You assholes can't find any stolen items unless the crooks bring them to you and can hardly solve shit. Except give out bullshit tickets? To serve and Protect is just a fucking motto?
At this the Sargent in the passenger seat got out and berated the dumb ass.
'Take the damn finger and let's get it to the hospital, Jackass.'
So off they go, siren's blaring.
I catch up a few minutes later as they are walking back outta the hospital.
The sargent pulls me aside and say's
'The next time you give a cop a finger...Smile.

Postscript...It was all for naught...they couldn't reattach the finger.
As I stepped into the bathroon I saw what the dumbass cop saw.
A long wild haired, grey beard with a bowie knife strapped to his leg. a patch of a maltese cross with skull and bomes on my back. and blood on the front of my shirt.
Riding a obnoxious sounding harley covered in dust...And kicking his door.
I wonder why he didn't want to pull over?


Allen Madding said...

priceless! :)


Ann said...

Poor SS. I love this story. Dumbass cops. :)

Arizona Harley Dude said...

Of all the folks I have ever known you are the only one who ever really did give a cop the finger. Funny that he didn't know how to take it.

Dean "D-Day" said...

That's an awesome story. Too bad about losing the finger though.

And the cop not rushing to the hospital...
That's just pure F'n laziness.

Lady Ridesalot said...

Wow! I hate that 88 still lost his finger, but what a story!

Your right... you couldn't embellish this in any way to make it any better.

I wonder if the cop learned anything that day!

KT Did said...

One thing was learned about this true life's story is that you got Soul! Big Soul...and you know what I mean. Its really rare that one risks his life for another. You did that. My girlie helmet is off to you. I just hope someone like you is around when/if I need help.

B.B. said...

I hope later you bitch slapped the little desk bunny!

Pascoag Ed said...

Other than the regrettable loss of the finger this was priceless. I see the Maricopa cops haven't changed since I lived there in the 80's.

IowaHarleyGirl (Stephanie) said...

Big D! You need to start writing a book. You can publish it yourself and advertise it on Amazon! This story is just what Allen said...priceless!

mq01 said...

wow...seriously wow...shaking head at cop... glad he's ok, even if he is minus a finger.

FLHX_Dave said...

I know I shouldn't be laughing at this but I am. Sorry...because this is something that happens only to me.

If I was that cop I would have shot you, then taken the finger to the E.R.

Too funny, yet disturbing. How can you laugh at someone elses misfortune...I feel like an ass right now. Which finger was it? Hope it wasn't the "O" finger.

Great read. Truth is really more interesting than fiction.

Big Daddy said...

It was the digit next to the pinky.
And just from the top joint up.
The insurance said that part was only worth 8 grand.
I asked him...How much did the wife get for loss of fun?
I know...I'm Bad LOL

Janet said...

First visit here, and the first thing I read is about YOU pulling over a COP - with your BOOT. Awesome. Just freakin' awesome!

WooleyBugger said...

Hate that about your friend. I recon you still have a job. Not to steal any thunder but last year we had a guy lose his finger in the jaws of an auto feed saw. He was trying to hold a smallish piece of metal in the jaw area while reaching over the machine to activate the jaws to close. Someone asked him something ( Never ever talk to someone when they have their hands in a machine. Wait until they are done)
so he turns to answer and the jaws clamped his finger smashing it clean off. He gets taken to hospital and I don't know this happened yet. I see some guys over looking at the machine and I go over thinking it's broke again. One of them looks at me yelling like I'm a dumbass and points at the jaws without explaining anything. I say what and he says "Look, look thats his finger." I go huh, whose finger? and he yells "DP's finger" and looks at me like I'm stupid.
Long story short, all these people walk off and go back to work. There is a blood trail through the plant to the office, finger is still clamped in saw smashed flat and nobody bothers to clean up the mess. Guess who cleaned it up? While cleaning up all these idiots are making comments about my mopping up the floor. I couldn't believe all those shits just content to walk all through it and not do anything.

"Joker" said...

Knowing you as I do the story doesn't seem too sensational to me, meaning it's a great story, but not unbelievable at all.

Makes me think of the recent story here where a couple were rushing to the hospital because the woman was in labor and got stuck in traffic. They decided to use the breakdown lane and of course got stopped by a Mass State Trooper - perhaps the biggest assholes known to man. What's he do? Escort them to the hospital with lights and siren at full bore? Nope. Kept 'em there for 25 minutes while he wrote them and someone else a ticket. What did he get for that when it ended up all over the 6 o'clock news...nothing. I hate cops.

Knowing cops as well as I do, I'd say if this ever happens again don't kick the door. Just look over and make a peace sign with your fingers while sticking your tongue through the bottom of the "V," then blow him a kiss. He'll pull you over - guaranteed.