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Saturday, July 19, 2008

A Bad Day?


"Watch your head," said the officer as I was being shoved into the back of the cruiser. Contemplating how I ended up in this mess was just making my headache even worse, and watching the hamfisted kid loading my bike on his truck wasn't helping.

How did I end up here? Well, that's gonna take some explaining. There really is something called the Harley Davidson Mystique; sometimes you just don't see it coming.

It started simple enough, taking a cross country trip to relax and get away from it all. Just me and my girl, a Harley named Stephanie. Cruising the back roads of Iowa, passing the cornfields and country lanes. When I spotted a little cafe just up the road, I pulled in for a good ol' hearty breakfast. A dozen bikes were parked in front, and a club prospect was motioning for me to park next to a nice custom FLH.

Dismounting and heading in to the cafe, the bike club's sergeant-at-arms opened the door and welcomed me in. "You in town for the poker championship?" he asked. "Didn't even know you had one, just passing through." I replied.

Seeing what he thought was an easy mark, the road captain of the club responded, "There's a grand prize of $500 with only a $10 buy-in. Simple five card stud with jokers wild". Musing that I was a fairly good player with a decent shot of winning some much needed green prompted me to abandon my good sense and agree to sit for a few hands.

I managed to win a quite a few hands and was up $200 when common sense returned and I elected to get out while I was ahead. As you would expect, this didn't sit well with the other players.

You would have thought the patch-holders looked like a horde of marines storming the beach on D-Day when they started after me. The waitress who was simply curious about all the ruckus came out of the kitchen; lucky for me the closest of my pursuers tripped over her and then his followers fell on him like dominoes, which gave me time to haul ass out the door.

The club's prospect was heading in as I was going out. I bowled him over with a right hook and jumped on "Stephanie". Spinning dirt and gravel, I hit the road doing about eighty.

Winding that V-twin for all she was worth put me well over a hundred and a few miles from the cafe in no time flat. In the rapidly approaching distance, I saw what appeared to be a dust storm blowing accross the road.

What felt like a million hot BB's stung me as I rode into it. Katydids swarming over the fields had soaked the bike and myself; a nasty, green, gooey mess covered everything.

The heat of the engine baked the slop hard and tight, clogging the air-cooling fins of the cylinders and oil filter. Overheating almost instantly, "Steph" siezed up and busted A-rod, scattering hot oil and fragments all over my jeans.

The rear tire screeched in protest of the sudden lockup of the grenading motor. Road grit filled my torn Levi's, branding my ass with the hot oil and metal as we slid along the dirt for nearly a thousand feet. When the entire mangled mess finally came to a stop in a cloud of smoke and dust, the bike and I looked like refugees from a tornadoed trailer park.

Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any worse. An old biddy on a golf cart rode by smirking, and yelled over at me, "Nice job there, Mr Motorcycle!" cackling to herself and continued on down the road. The distant siren drawing closer told me this day wasn't gonna get better anytime soon.

A random thought occurred to me that if I would've just gone to Hollister or Salinas, I'd have been sitting on a stool drinking a cold beer right about now.

The brief pause inside my head was interuppted by the officer's voice. "How did you find yourself gliding along the gravel on this fine sunny day?" Before I could reply the officer held up a hand and contiued, "Connie called me from the cafe and told me all about what went down." pulling me upright the cuffs were applied instantly. "Let's go, hotshot".

The cruiser hit the highway and started to head away from town. "I thought the county cell was in town?" I grunbled. "Who said anything about jail? You do something I don't already know about?" Figuring discretion being the better part of valor, I kept my tongue in check and sat silently, wondering what the hell else today had in store for me.

It turns out, Officer Wendy is a biker chick who owns her own hog named LadyR, and rides a lot of miles with her sister Connie the waitress. So, here I am stuck in this hot tub with the two sisters drinking a cold one and getting "special" treatment of my road rash. Also, it turns out the hamfisted baby brother owns a bike shop and "Steph" is being rebuilt for free in time for the three of us to ride up to Farmington, MN for the Bottoms Up Rally.

On top of all that, I'm still ahead $200.

Idle thoughts flew through my brain...can I really call this a bad day?!

24 comments:

FLHX_Dave said...

Harley, $18,000, Helmet $150, Leathers and gear $1800...having a great imagination coupled with the ability to weave the biker spirit and fellow riders into a entertaining blogging masterpiece?...priceless.

I'm just going to start calling you "Ghost Writer". Another great one.

B.B. said...

That was priceless! I loved every word of it.

Lady Ridesalot said...

As soon as I started reading, I began noticing the familiar names. This made it a lot more fun to read! In fact I had to read it twice. The first time I was having too much fun identifying everyone. Then I reread just to enjoy the story. My first thought was, I wished I could have been the one in the hot tub, but then I smiled and laughed to myself as I started to imagine Wendy riding me! Woo Hoo! Now who needs a cold shower!

Mr. Motorcycle said...

Mavelous!
I loved the story, the twist at the end, and the cleverness on the way you weaved fellow bloggers, and blog related items into the story. Very creative indeed.

I give you a 10.

Rex said...

Great story! Threw me for a loop torwards the end. Hopefully there will be a part 2.

Mike said...

Nice story, and yeah, keeping ones tongue in check is always a good thing. Can't even tell you how many times I've had to learn that lesson--the hard way.

Shannon said...

Very good my dear. However, I was able to figure out everyone but unless i'm over thinking it didn't see any reference to me... Not that its a big deal since I've been TRAMPLED already....Keep those creative thoughts flowing!

Big Daddy said...

The brief pause inside my head.........gets 2 birds with one stone.
Pause....joker
Inside my head...Shannon
I would never leave my sweet Shannon out of the story.

aaroneousmaximus said...

Once again, no failure to impress. Good stuff Big D. Once thing, road rash and hot tubs don't mix, but with the two sisters, I'm sure he will menage!

KT Did said...

Can't wait for the Bottoms Up Rally! This is a great story and should be continued to the next chapter! Sorry I haven't peeped in! I have been in So. Cal. Riding like a crazeee girl should be! But, loved, loved loved the tale... in particular when the Katy Did arrived atcha! Road rash & hot tubs... why not after a few brews!

Dean "D-Day" said...

Great story Big D! I loved the way you weaved all our names into it. I'll be waiting to hear more about Wendy riding Lady R!

Sorry I haven't visited more before now. You've gained another follower.

Deja said...

Why aren't you writing books! You got sum talent big D!

"Joker" said...

Wow. Sorry it took me so long to get my ass over here, but I've been racking up the miles lately and trying to catch up on writing about them.

Brother, I'm honored, I really am. Not so much for myself, though I do appreciate the nod, but more for Wendy. Unless I missed something, she's the only one who's not a blogger who was mentioned. That's pretty cool. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Wendy's allure could spread all the way to Arizona. She is very special, and the fact that you seem to appreciate that not having even met her, says a lot.

I have to stop imagining Wendy riding Lady R though, or I'm not going to get much writing done today!

Thanks. Keep writing these stories, and Ride Safe.

Ann said...

Joker, I'm literally LMFAO!

Lady Ridesalot said...

LMAO! Me too! I must get to Mass! Wendy...we are just having too much fun, aren't we?

IowaHarleyGirl (Stephanie) said...

Awesome story and I'm truly honored you named the bike Stephanie! Sorry she ended up being a little bitchy but I'm glad you were able to fix her for free! :) You are really good! Thanks for sharing all these great stories with us...you need to get published!!!

Joker...you crack me up buddy...you and that pervo mind of yours! LMAO!

wendy said...

Thanks for thinking of me, Big D. The hot tub, a beverage and you.... what more does a girl need? except maybe a ride on Lady R....

Ann said...

I SO love that everyone appreciates my husband's perverted sense of humor! Wendy, I especially love your comment! LOL!!!

But seriously, to Big D, the highest compliment he could give a woman is to name a bike after her.

Ride Safe everyone!

Lady Ridesalot said...

Ooooohhhhh Wendy! Talk dirty to me! LOL!

KT Did said...

And another annonymous trying to make meaning to their idiotic post response. "Trite"---hmmmm .... must not ride and must not know the love of the road... that's all I gotta say... Except that "annonymous" has no guts to be included in such a great read.

Shannon said...

okay okay okay...I was tired and read right past that line like 5 times....SO Sorry my dear D. Thanks for the mention you sly little stinker!

-Connie said...

What a great story! I loved every word!! And I'm honored Josh and I got mentions! :)

Veronnica said...

Ok another great story! I loved the play on names! Keep 'em coming!

Simply Curious said...

...shame on you...